I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
