I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
