you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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