why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
