Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
