Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
