The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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