Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
