It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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