A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
