He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
