id be glad to
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
