listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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