I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
