she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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