if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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