Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
