i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I currently don't understand fingers.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
