try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
