im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
