It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
