If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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