Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
