Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
