I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Having a random hookup so left but love u
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
