I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I see more hoeing in ur future
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
