DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
