There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
