Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
