i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
