Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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