just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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