making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
