ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
