Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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