i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
