OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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