It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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