my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what day is it and did you see me today?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All the doctor said was why
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
