Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
