Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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