I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
