this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
