I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
