I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
