Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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