you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
