do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
