brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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