she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
