Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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