Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
