these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
