Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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