I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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