i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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